Lady and a Tramp

About a year ago, I fell in love with pole dancing. I started taking classes with Angi Cardwell, owner of Divine Movement, one of the most encouraging teachers imaginable. (that's her in the photo) As a dancer, my skillz were not going to pay the bills but the combination of dim lights, awesome tunes and my personal weakness, slutty shoes, wove a seductive web around me.

Have you ever seen those blooper clips on YouTube where rotund girls pull the poles out of the ceiling or end up spinning into the wall? Well, that's God's way of giving you the heads up that pole dancing may not be for you.

I found out I have arthritis in my dancin' arm and sometime last year, I tore my rotator cuff....exit pole dancing.

Enter my current obsession...makeup. A friend of mine opined that I need an outlet for my inner tramp and with pole dancing currently off the menu, it makes perfect sense I would channel my energy into makeup.

I was previously in a makeup rut...same colors everyday, no experimentation, no deviation. I didn't think I could wear certain colors, I didn't try new techniques. I recently took a Master Bridal Makeup Class with Victor Cembellin, Senior Pro MAC Makeup Artist-Northwest. (So adorable! He's cute too.) Victor believes makeup should be viewed as a celebration of one's inner beauty. That sentiment is as inspiring as mastering the black widow spin. Makeup shouldn't intimidate you. If you try something new and it doesn't look good, wipe it off. Experiment. Play. Follow your inner muse. I'm having fun following my personal muse: a tramp in six inch heels.

The "Brounding Effect"

Lately, I've been getting browner and rounder. I think it's in direct correlation to stress...a phenomenon I like to call the "brounding effect".
My skin care consultants eye my golden brown skin, purse their lips and ask accusingly,"Are you tanning?" Yes, yes I am. I'm not proud of this, I know the damage I'm doing and frankly, it's a bit hypocritical as I am an esthetician. My sister chastises me, " At your age, you should be dropping vices, not getting new ones." Too true, but the tanning bed is my personal isolation chamber and unlike William Hurt in Altered States, I emerge toasty warm and at peace with the world.
The rounding aspect of the "brounding effect" is less appealing to me. I swear to God, I could get stranded on an island and gain weight, kind of like Hugo on Lost. In my case, I think the rounding occurs while I lay prone on my couch, watching endless hours of Law and Order (damn you TNT and your mini-marathons). To paint the complete picture, I am also wrapped in a Snuggie...which may or may not constitute one of the seven signs of the apocalypse.
I haven't found the antidote to the "brounding effect" (and honestly, I haven't been looking too hard) but I suspect it involves spray tan and a stairmaster.
I'll let you know how that works out.