The "Brounding Effect"

Lately, I've been getting browner and rounder. I think it's in direct correlation to stress...a phenomenon I like to call the "brounding effect".
My skin care consultants eye my golden brown skin, purse their lips and ask accusingly,"Are you tanning?" Yes, yes I am. I'm not proud of this, I know the damage I'm doing and frankly, it's a bit hypocritical as I am an esthetician. My sister chastises me, " At your age, you should be dropping vices, not getting new ones." Too true, but the tanning bed is my personal isolation chamber and unlike William Hurt in Altered States, I emerge toasty warm and at peace with the world.
The rounding aspect of the "brounding effect" is less appealing to me. I swear to God, I could get stranded on an island and gain weight, kind of like Hugo on Lost. In my case, I think the rounding occurs while I lay prone on my couch, watching endless hours of Law and Order (damn you TNT and your mini-marathons). To paint the complete picture, I am also wrapped in a Snuggie...which may or may not constitute one of the seven signs of the apocalypse.
I haven't found the antidote to the "brounding effect" (and honestly, I haven't been looking too hard) but I suspect it involves spray tan and a stairmaster.
I'll let you know how that works out.